¢σмρℓι¢αтє∂ :} α∂∂ι¢тє∂ℓυяνєѕ. :]

Its so tired~~ After weeks and weeks of test, mock exams~~ didnt really do well in either subjects. Sadly to say. I am very worried for my upcoming prelims and O lvls.. Stress are actually piling up. I am trying to avoid the time of studying, always thinking that i know alot of things or practically everything, but when people come and ask me, i start to stumble. It seems so tough, as not easy as what i thought. HAH! Anyway i am studying these days. Example, today i went to jurong library to study~~~ ooo.. i did my amaths there, haha i completed paper 2 =D (with some blanks) keke The paper is managable.! Hais sad thing was, i didnt really study social studies there. It seems like i wanted to start, but my attention are at other directions. Cannot concentrate, maybe its not something i like or something i want and willing to focus on. Forcing myself to study and do ss is something tough i shall say!.

Thursday got english test after school, followed by maths tuition at 530pm-730pm. Its something i got to hold, even though i am tired. I know i can do it, its also a form of study perhaps. Thursday will be a very busy day for me, sadly to say i am so occupied with subjects and test. Thus my thursday is fully booked~~~ haha! Anyway friday i am going to 'play' hard i hoped! haha of course not!~ sTUDY! People always say study hard and play hard.!~ Peer pressure coming from my frens(obviously) its so strong, i somehow couldn't take it, seeing classmates so hard-core, all they know is work work work~ No matter where, free period, lessons which does not interest them, homework and practices is out... Stressful isnt it? I am kinda frightened seeing such states that is actually happenening in my class, i guess i shall be as hard-core as them!~ haha

Tmr (wednesday) : Will be staying back to study and shoot questions~~ haha! I have been doing some practices at home, hais seeing my amaths results dropped trememdously, makes me scared.. Makes my heart wanting to commit suscide. scary~~~ I guess i really got to find a maths tutor to force me to do work. If not that is the end of my life. Seriously. If i get a tutor, next week start lesson!~ I wan to focus more, more more more more more!!!! haha! alright time for me to sleep~~ =D Tmr daddy's fetching me to schooL! yeah!!!! hahah! so happY!~ =D

Sign out( Looking forward for my play day! =D )
~Sunday could be one =D
~Family day out! kekeke!
~Relaxing day although i noe i shouldn't
~HAIS~~~~

I am not faking or something. It is really so coincidence. I wanted something to happen, just by keeping it to myself, but it dun happen. If no mood to talk etc i wont find it so troubled.. Now it is that i feel troubled.. I am really stressed~ but the person and the thing i hoped for was to talk to u. Even seeing u just a moment. Saw u and ur bus passed by me, that was just a glance. Asking u whether wan me to acc u, cause i wan to see u. I feel stress and unhappy. THings in sch dun seem to have any changes, things seems to be getting worst. Today mother tongue LC, had already made me unhappy. Very tough and i screwed up~ Studied chem for tmr, seems nothing inside.. I really feel stressed~~~ Adding on, tmr after sch got paper 1 english mock exam. Hais~ i cannot grumble but hoped to tell u and allow u to chat with me, to let me feel destress.. But it seems like hoping is really wrong. I dun wan to lie to u, i really feel troubled. I duno why it is so coincidence. I swear~~

Feeling low at a particular time and moment, u're unable to be there for me, it's something u should be sorry about! In the past, ur reason will be : u're in NS cannot be there for u when u need it. But now u're out of it, will these reasons still continues? This really leave a question mark to me. I am feeling tired of all these... How i wish now i have someone else to talk to. Although this statement is not suppose to, but i really hoped sometimes, somethings, someone can really be there for me 24 hrs. Smses may not be the one that can send my msg over. Another question came into my mind, if ur partner is feeling stressed and down, will u still have the mood to enjoy things? yes or no? To me, my ans will be a no. I will prefer to leave wadever i am doing just to make u happy, as long as u get better then i will continue with my things. This is my actions, what will be your's? anyone read this, also can reply and clear my question mark in my shoutout.

Guess this blog became a blog when i am unhappy to post. I guess in the future it will be ur pay back time. I have this thinking which is wrong : since now u're treating me like that, in the future, wadever u done it to me now, future u will eventually experienced it.. I am tryin to do things which i wont like, thus i hoped u wont do it back to me, but it seems like i am wrong. Wadever i am trying to prevent, trying very hard for it not to happen, it does happens. Maybe i shouldnt care so much isnt it? Rmbering myself saying that i am going to open up more. hais.. Just a sudden another question came up: If i were there with u at tennis today, will the result be the same just like now??? i know i cannot be self-fish, but indeed i am very self-fish.. hais~~ anyway things will be gone / vanish after i sleep ( i hoped). Want to sleep early also u say, but in the end never even do it. 说一套做一套！！！！maybe this is how we influenced each other? hais~ Everything u say, u can change it once u forgotten it. In fact, somethings u said, it is not true! ~ isn't it?? Wad quality sleep??? Wad excuses u gave me?? all bullshit??? LOL!. i am asking questions again.~~~

Alright time to revise chem and sleep =D

sign out(stress~~ unhappy~~)
~What can i do to make you listen to me?
~What can you make me not to be self-fish?
~What can i do to make me feel better?
~What can i do to destress???

¢σмρℓι¢αтє∂ :} α∂∂ι¢тє∂ℓυяνєѕ. :]

I got very confused suddenly.. Just a moment ago, i thought of something bad, just another moment ago, i felt that this will come and end soon. Another another ago, i thought of something is suspicious with u.. Suddenly asked me about OOVOO. Something surely suspicious... AS a imaginative person to hear that, somethignn will be wrong. isnt it? I just got very confused lah..

HEaring things that really hurts me, just feel like ending everything now. Will it be the best choice? Experiencing new things and blamers, blames on me, feelin so low and guilty.. why does all this happen at my last year??? 5 years apart. AGE GAP! i find that many things i am so restricted.. i doing my best not to give u stress.. tryin very hard, to let u feel comfortable.. If all this will happen, knowing it before hand, i wont wan to be ur burden!. Certain times, i find that this relationship is hard to manage, i want to end it. But i noe its something silly to think and do, but i cannot stop myself from thinking. I am no longer as strong as before. It became a habit of depending on u.. I was hoping that by doing some actions, spending money the day will help u lessen ur burden, and ur stress issues, but actually in the end, it dun help!. Do u understand why am i doing all these???

Maybe i should just psycho myself that i have nothing to lose, u're just a man in my life.. shld i?? if its like that, i wouldn't even cared for u.. somethings i just feel that, stress is something that will occur in life, feeling all the blame on me dun feel good! U KNOW! Its something u're stressing me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Putting everything first in place not only u! Wad else u want from me??? i seriously dun understand.. U going club , i keep myself busy, i do my things and tried to sleep early, hoping u wont noe that i am uneasy, but now u're telling me that u feel that, how can u enjoy!? then wad more u expect from me??? previous/ past, i am like smsing all the time, i want immediate reply, i wan to noe wad u doing, i want to wait till reach home then sleep.. comparing, isnt much better? wad else!!!!??? tell me!!!!!

I shall say everything talks about trust!~ Not only trust, to me, listening, actions and talking is all important factor in a relationship. TRust is not the only thing and the biggest factor!~

i am not at the right mood, sign out!!

¢σмρℓι¢αтє∂ :} α∂∂ι¢тє∂ℓυяνєѕ. :]

Before make up (above)
After make up ( Below)

Can u see wad my bebe doing?

Finally a proper one is taken! =D
Sch reopen days are kinda bad! i dislike the timetable.. but no choice!!~~ anw not going to talk about it...

TODAY! haha. I am so excited for today! =D in the morning got mock exam for emath. After that, i rushed down to bugis.. make a guess, wad was the reason?! haha!

CONGRATULATION TO (er ge, and er sao )
haha! so happy to see and give my blessing to the newly cpl =D its so nice.. haha! seeng the bride and groom, both are pretty and handsome, makes me really have nothing to say about love, as love really brings alot of happiness to people especially when they are getting married.. Was really excited to see bebe, and the family for the wedding.. =D was kinda weird standing there playing ur touch, but its more weird when ppl gave me strange looking. Rmb there is three things which really make me blush. First was, when i am sitting beside you at the reception area, ur er sao's fren asked, 'erm u are the relative of chris?' i am like.. er... can i say yes? or wad shall i reply? haha! then she guessed it.. =D so i can save the things and embarrassements..

Second thing was, sitting beside one of his relative. He look at me with kinda weird expression, maybe this is how he look, then both of them are chatting, i am like sandwhich between them? haha! When bebe said, oh this is my gf. then the relative asked, 'sure gf anot? or wife? ' lol!? haha! it make me blush! haha! but.. ... ... u noe? haha! Asking next year??? haha

Last thing was, everything ended well and proper, shaking hands are as usual outside the ballroom, after shaking, there is family photo taking... I was stun and blur, duno wad shall i do. Whether to move aside or taking together with u and ur family. As i said its family photo, of course i should be like out of the picture isnt it? But! he asked his sister, the sister replied why not? i blushed! i felt really ps! a whole group of people, or maybe i shall say maybe its my future-in-laws lol!!?? haha! i think too much yea??? hmm... ...

Seeing er sao, so brave to say the speech out all by herself, really make me feel envious about it. Wonder wad was the thing that motivate her, and have the courage to do so.?? Really wonder how does that happen etc.. She is really pretty today.. apity, i didnt take pic during the wedding itself.. but after that are all my zilian pics..=D haha! She is really pretty, and i will always rmb the treatment she said, before marriage its princess treatment, after marriage is maiid treatment.

Talking to her personally, its actually good, she make me open up to her and willing to chat more with her. Just a pity, today its her big day, thus she have many more frens and relatives to talk too... haha! Congrats once again! =D

Sign out(tired_ but happy_ but lovely.. )

¢σмρℓι¢αтє∂ :} α∂∂ι¢тє∂ℓυяνєѕ. :]

Yst the 23 june... First i should wish kiat a happy birthday.. =D hoped u enjoyed ur day yst.. haha.. Went to Jurong point to get ur birthday present.Thinking what will you like, but it seems nothing that please me, nothing which i like. I decided to go downstairs guess the first level of Jurong Point. Went down with gal and kiat, went into this small little shop, something just spot me. I love it, but i am unsure will u like it. It actually cost me a bomb, but i would not mind its due to the love that i had for you. If i really see something i like, that i am going to give it to you, the price is the price where i can afford, i would not mind to spend everything on you. People may think that i am silly, but i am not, i am just putting myself into a deeper relationship i guess. Mummy everytime say, i will eventually die in relationships, i will die in the world of L.O.V.E. I told her, i will have control in myself, but actually i cannot stop myself for going any deeper. Thus anything between us, small quarrals, i will eventually get hurt. I don't want to express out, cause i don't want you to know that i am actually very weak.. I am just a spoiled princess in my family. I do not need to work for things that i wanted. I ask, i will get it.. Lets get back to what i did yst. After jurong point, i went down to upper thomson to pick my bebe up. I took an hr of bus from JP to toa payoh.. lol.. it is kinda silly i know, but the timing is still early. Who know's he ended early, so he came over from his school to toa payoh hdb hub. WEnt to orchard, actually i dun feel really good, was very weak to walk further, but just in front of you, kept saying i am alright. I don't want you to worry, i don't want you to be unable to go TAKA, so i kept saying i am alright.

Today the 24 june: Wake up kinda late due to drowsness of medications. Do homework again and again. I got so bored of homework suddenly. Went out to watch TRANSFORMERS. It's a nice show, i encourage people to go watch it. haha. Ened, went to get sushi and eat downstairs the block opposite of mine, had a great time with you. Thank you. Went home, started my war with my homeworks. Managed to finish a amaths paper 1 of a school, and my physics. YEAH! i completed physics and geography for school homework! =D i left with Social studies, chemistry and english. I can do it. Tomorrow i am going to do my Social studies! completing everything of ss for tmr! i can do it! =D maybe english too. =D I am not sure about my capability whether i can or not. Anyway, my day for today is really short. Just a moment ago, i just wake up, another moment later, i am already in the cinema. Followed by home, doing homework. Time really files.. Really move very quickly. Next week is the school reopening, i cannot wait for my O lvls to come, i cannot wait to throw all my books away. I cannot wait to see how much freedom i will get after O lvls. 3 more months later, i will be free like the birds flying in the sky! =D

Was very unhappy in the night. That is why i decided to switch on my lappy again and start to blog. Don't intend to write in here, but just to say, i am unhappy.. really unhappy. Maybe i shall say some, first thing first. Asking you tomorrow want me to go down to pick you up? U said don't want. I just want to see you, see your school so simple, nothing much, but u just rejected me.. I do not know things about your life now in university. If you know me well, i will be thinking is there something so secretive that i cannot see , somethings so protective about??? Maybe more ridiculous, did you just have new girlfriend in your school?? Wanted to ask you questions about your school, it seems like you do not even want to answer my questions. After asking one, the topic can drag or change to another. Hais!~~~.. I really wonder, what is wrong with me. What is wrong with me. Or is there really something you are trying to hide from me. hais~~~~ Can somebody just tell me what is wrong with me???

If not can somebody, just stab a knife in my heart, let me bleed to death. I don't want to bring trouble to YOU! I don't want to keep thinking negatively. I don't want.. Its really very tiring.. hais~~~ I hate times to be alone~~ Its the only time where i will think alot at that particular moment.. Is talking in the night can be very boring? Don't know what to talk about?? Keeping silent throughout helps??!! CAN YOU JUST TELL ME!? hais~~

sign out(mood swing)
~emotional...
~What is really wrong with me?
~Really not cheating me?
~You taught me not to trust you.

¢σмρℓι¢αтє∂ :} α∂∂ι¢тє∂ℓυяνєѕ. :]

WOOTS!~~~ haha just nice 10 days passed i shld say.. =D well i shall start with my genting trip.. sitting in the car for like 5 hrs?? its kinda boring.. been thinking of wad can i do for my performance.. been listening to the music again and again.. trying to get the hang of it.. In the car, didnt really sleep much.. U shld noe, their roads are so bumpy.. haha.. not nice to sleep.. been like sitting with mummy and baby at the backsit while YC sit infront with daddy. Travelling there with my ah yi and the family, adding on with my dad's fren and his family. so its like adding up we have a total of 14 ppl ? haha mostly are children. Reached Genting at about 3++ pm, was waiting for check in, while i secretly smsed u. haha... walked around th hotel after checking in, had a very early dinner buffet.. cant eat much i didnt noe why.. recently my appitite like getting smaller and smaller.

Second day comes, was at the outdoor theme park the whole day.. playing and playing and playing. haha! had fun for the the rides.. sitting on the spider man one, MY GODNESS! my hairband fell and gone MIA! i cannot find.. that one make me so unwell.. cause me to feel dizzy and feel like puking.. YUCKS!~~ the space shot rocks! haha! its so cool and nice.. especially the feeling when it drop down! WOOOOA! haha went back to indoor and started to shop and shop! haha! cool leh! fun!!! haha... got a bag for myself.. haha! =D indoor theme park i played the archade.. been playing BB throughout all games.. me and my bro managed to win a giraffe soft toy and a face towel for my mum and baby brother.. Thanking mummy being the hardship one taking care of the baby throughout the three days and two nights.!~

Last Day, check out... haha! went to KL , daddy's office to take a look and daddy do some settling stuff and we head back to JB, for dinner! haha! yum yum! haha! after dinner there i am back in SINGAPORE! ahha!
Guess the trip ends here.. =D

Our One Year anniversary reached... Time really files... haha.. i really enjoyed the times with u.. the days, months, mins... thank u so much for bringing me joy and excitements.. Surprises..=D just love how the way u gave me. Love the presents u made for me.. the roses u had drawn, the collage that u had made... Thank u very much.. for everything.. =D hoped everything is alright and u enjoyed.. haha! i am tryin to build confidence =D haha! u shld noe wad i am tryin to say.. i have nothing to blog about it. Just wan to say HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!~ =D

once again :

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!~~
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING
LOVE U BEBE! =D

sign out(happy~~~)
~WHOLE LOADS OF HW WAITING!
~I LOVE U! =D
P.S: Pictures from facebook. TY

¢σмρℓι¢αтє∂ :} α∂∂ι¢тє∂ℓυяνєѕ. :]

08 JUNE 2009! HAHA!
its my birthday! haha i am so happy about it =D haha

Morning went for SSS! stupid!? its like so bored lah sitting alone at the table, i dun even noe whether can i ask my frens about the things i duno.. lol!? stupid right? i dun like it.. tmr last day of my SSS haha! then the rest i going for my SP course.. haha! so who cares.. haha!.. tmr going to have tuition for like 4hrs???!!! my godness!!! hais! i will die lor.. sure very tired de...

Afternoon went out with bebe.. haha! had so much fun till like dinner time.. haha!.. in the bus also funny.. started some thingy which i dun often do.. hais! i lose my bett.. sian!! haha! but i guess i am looking forward to it.. haha! lol? i duno anything about it ...

Dinner at home! haha granny bought everything.. yummy! haha! i am so happy! haha at least when cutting cake everyone is around.. i am so happy.. haha! but seriously thank you ppl! =D

People to thank :
*Gwen, Audrey, Kai Xin, Joel, Nurul
(for the domo thing.. haha i like it very much! =D)

*Kennth Hong
(The mug, photo and hand-made card =D)

*BEBE
(For everything includes today, and yst.. the perfume, rose, tweety.. haha )

*Jie min, Kiat, Karanina
(For the 'ang bao' haha. )

*Family members for all the things =D

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR EVERYTHING.. =D I APPRECIATE IT.. AND I LOVE IT!!! =D

sign out( happy day! )

¢σмρℓι¢αтє∂ :} α∂∂ι¢тє∂ℓυяνєѕ. :]